Glimpses of My Day in Letters

To Dr. A,

Thanks for my lab results. I think it's great that you included my albumin value because "all dietitians love to analyze albumin values". The best part was the smiley face emoticon that you included along with all of the classifications of good for my numbers. I am also happy that my values are in excellent ranges. See you next month for another immunization.

Sincerely, Dietetic Intern at your Medical School Alma Mater

To Metro Cafe in Annapolis,

Your food is awesome! I really loved the California Omelet with fresh berries and toast that I had for lunch at 2:30 following my two hour workout. The cupcake was also delicious, but $3 is a bit steep for one cupcake. Next time I'll skip the cupcake and make my own at home. No wait, that means that I'd be left with two dozen cupcakes to eat by myself. Hmmm...on second thought, keep it up with the $3 cupcakes. I'll be back.

From, Late Luncher

Dear Eliza,

I appreciate your use of words when I came into your room after nap time and you said "trash, poop" and I realized that you were holding your poopy diaper. I especially appreciate that you left the poop in the diaper and that you only sat your poopy bum on your brand new "big girl pillow" and not all over the rest of your bed. I've learned my lesson and will never put you to bed without pants again, although I'm not sure that would stop you since you're so adept at removing your clothes.

Love, Mommy

P.S. I've also learned my lesson when it comes to poopy-bum-clean-up-bath-time in that I won't let you have a cup to dump water ALL OVER the floor while I strip down your bed for washing.

Dear Jealous Library Patrons,

I know you were watching my daughter tonight and were super jealous over her beautiful blue eyes and curly blonde hair. I know because I saw you. I saw you just like I saw every other patron looking at her when you and they should have been watching the singer putting on a show in the children's section. If you want your children to get as much attention as my daughter it's pretty easy to accomplish. Just teach your children to remove their clothes in front of everyone like Eliza did tonight. Teach them to be super quick so nothing you do can stop them from pulling their shirt over their head in seconds. Then teach them to rip a big piece of blue tape off the carpet (the tape used to mark off the seating area) and have them put it in their hair. This will create a beautiful addition to highlight their eyes and will help draw attention to their nice hair style, including natural ringlets, while you pull the tape from their fine baby hair. To top it all off make sure you seat yourselves in the front of the performance so you have no way to escape. At the end of the night, beeline it for your car to make sure you leave the crowd wanting more - leave on a high note.

Sincerely, Professional Pageant Wanna-be Mom